I am guilty of this one myself. Seems like an innocent question doesn’t it? When we are struggling with infertility or have recently suffered a loss, this question can be incredibly painful. When asked this question I can jokingly say “Yes, I have one boxer and a cat.” There have been times that I couldn’t have joked so much about it. I remember going for my first mammogram shortly after a round of fertility treatments. The nurse performing the procedure was so friendly and tried to put my mind at ease. Then came the question. “ Do you have kids?” The question didn’t bother me at all. I said no. What came next is what really got to me. She asked many really personal questions that had nothing to do with the procedure. She asked if we planned to adopt and just kept throwing the questions and suggestions one after another. You all know what I’m talking about. This woman who didn’t know me was telling me I should do this or do that and wanted to tell me about all the people she knows who had children of their own, lost a child and even adopted. It was at this point that I burst into tears. I told her I didn’t have any answers to her questions. I needed time to process and heal. She apologized. We hugged. It was all good. She had the best of intentions. I just was not in a place to be able to talk about it to a perfect stranger or anyone else for that matter. One reader has this to share… “The next time one meets a woman, try asking her what she does in her spare time. This is a way to learn if she has kids or not. Odds are she will jokingly say something like ‘ with two kids, I don’t have spare time’ or something along those lines.” This is a perfect way to start a conversation with someone and find other things you may have in common. It gives your new friend a chance to focus on the other positives in their life instead of something they aren’t ready to share.