I have always loved getting invitations to birthday parties for my friend’s kids. I love being included in their lives because I have prayed for these kids even before they were born. It is a joy to watch them grow up. Baby showers are hard, but no one can appreciate what a miracle this new bundle of joy is like a person who will never get to experience this. I go and have fun celebrating this miracle. Not everyone can do that. Over the years, I have talked to others that simply cannot attend these events. Sometimes it is just too painful a reminder of what they have lost, or they simply want to avoid the questions they might get. If your friend has the courage to attend, one thing we all ask of you is please do not introduce him or her as the only one there that does not have kids. It will become evident soon enough in conversation. While it may seem that you are highlighting your friend’s strength for attending or that you are pointing out how much it means to you for them to be there……just don’t. Save that for a private conversation later. Celebrate the bravery of your friend later.

The greatest thing a close friend of mine ever said to me after failed IVF attempts was “ I’m praying for you. If you ever want to talk about this, I am here for you; but I will never bring this up again.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief. After going through something like that or a great loss, you sometimes just don’t have answers to all the questions people ask. I had many questions of my own. I was struggling in my faith because every time I asked “Why?” God was silent. I understand now better than ever that the teacher is always quiet during a test. I know that I was being prepared for something bigger….greater. I just needed time to heal. For some people that takes days or months; and for some, it takes years. Your friend will let you know when they are ready to talk. There is no need to bring it up every time you see them. If you don’t know the person well, there is no need to bring it up at all. If it is your teacher, dental hygienist, nurse, veterinarian, hair dresser, UPS driver…….just don’t bring it up. So what do you say or do? Just be there for them. Connect with your friend over what made you friends in the first place. Talk about their interests and other positive things in their life. Spend time with them. Let them heal. This also applies to the spouse or significant other in the relationship. My husband has also revealed how hard it was getting all the questions in which he didn’t have answers. I realized it bothered him as much as it did me if not more. We’ve healed together and that made us stronger.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

I have thought about starting this blog for almost 10 years now. We are just entering a new decade, so why not try something new? My inspiration comes from my own experiences and from others. Nearly one year ago I met a young girl starting out in my profession. She was newly married, just started a new job, and was distraught over the pressure from family and friends to have a baby. She already knew she had medical issues preventing this from happening. She was still struggling with this news; and every time someone mentioned the topic, it was like ripping a bandaid off a very sore wound. I spent almost 3 hours listening to this stranger’s story. I shared with her my own experiences and my thoughts on starting a blog. She along with many others encouraged me to do so. It has taken me this long to get up the courage to do so partly because I had my own healing to do and partly out of fear. It took a conversation with a stranger for me to realize it was time to overcome the fear, put myself out there, and share some experiences. Maybe this is part of my healing. Maybe my story is meant to help someone else. Maybe there is someone out there wondering how do they help their hurting friend or family member….I would love to hear your stories, thoughts and suggestions as we start this journey together. Stay tuned for upcoming posts on what not to say when your friend is not expecting.